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by Francine2869



Category: Sen Çal Kapımı (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:01:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29898060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Francine2869/pseuds/Francine2869
Summary: Eda can feel herself plunging, sinking through the water.
Relationships: Serkan Bolat/Eda Yildiz
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





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**Author's Note:**

> Warning: anyone trying to remain positive about the current storyline should NOT read this :-)

_***~*** _

Eda can feel herself plunging, _sinking_ through the water.

It's quiet and dark and she realizes she's not fighting the pull, doesn't want to. She feels... peaceful. For the first time in forever.

She _thought_ she'd found peace with Serkan. The feeling of simply holding his hand and knowing that he'd be by her side for the rest of her life had settled something deep inside of her that had been looking for a home since her parents had been taken from her. That feeling of belonging to someone, someone who belonged to her right back.

She'd like to think that if she could only reach out to him that he'd hold out that hand and try to keep her afloat, keep her head above the waves churning underneath. Eda's exhausted from trying to keep herself from sinking.

It's as she's sitting on the side of her later bed that night and gazing into the dark, starless sky outside her window that she realizes. Her necklace! She must have dropped it when she fell off the back of the boat. For a moment she panics. She can't catch her breath and she presses, _pushes_ a hand over her heart as it pounds in her chest.

Then - there's a shooting star outside the window and she staggers over to the frame before collapsing onto her knees. She wants to open her window and _scream_ , wants to do something to get rid of the pain and the anger and the loneliness that she's carrying around.

She's _so_ angry. Angry at Selin, angry at Aydan, at Piril, at Ceren... But lately she finds that she's _livid_ with Serkan. This man who said he loved her and would never leave her has abandoned her without a second thought. (Her brain knows there's reasons why but her heart only knows the absence of what and _whom_ should be here by her side.)

She's being battered by waves of grief everyday, her hands numb from the cold and unable to hang onto the small amounts of help and hope that some people are willing to give her.

Eda has to accept that this man is not _her_ man. Her Serkan left that day and died in the plane crash. He's gone and she has to realize that he's never coming back. If she's honest with herself, even if he did come back to her things have changed so much - she sees him so differently now. The things he's done, the things he's _said_ , the way he looks at her. She's nothing to him now and trying to forget these moments would _not_ be easy.

There's been a few precious moments, a glimpse through a slight crack in this shell of a man where the warmth of her _real_ Serkan has filtered through. In the beginning she wanted to grab him, force her hands and her heart through those cracks until she could pull him apart and find what she knew (what she _thought she knew_ ) was underneath.

But she's come to realize that no matter what he always goes back to _her_. And Eda goes back to the feeling of losing him again. And again. And _again_.

Now she's lost her ring, all parts and pieces of it. All the meaning, the pride, the joy, the _love_ that she associated it with... gone. Their first true connection, a piece of _her and him_ \- lost forever. It seems fitting that although she was dragged out of the water and back to life that this part of her remained there. This stone that, albeit tiny, weighed her down, down, down. 

Eda crawls back into bed, wraps her arms around herself and tries to find some warmth, tries to pretend that she doesn't wish she was back in that water where it's peaceful and quiet. Numb.

_***~*** _

**Author's Note:**

> This are some thoughts I've had brewing this week. I'm glad Eda had some of her spunk back this episode but we also saw that she's still struggling so much. I just want to give her a hug! I know that EdSer will get their HEA sometime in the future but right now I'd settle for them not hating on each other. Serkan, once again, had a few lines that were just mean.   
> I miss our romantic robot :-(


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